Open Mic - part 2

Besides pushing the religious envelope or being dirty or gross for a laugh, I wanted my open mic to be clever comedy, so the following was my attempt of that. Through all of this, it was hard to gauge what was really funny as most of the audience was other open mic comics and they were very supportive. Here we go...

Dental Advancements

Talk about overkill.
There’s a razor with five blades called Fusion. Five blades!

Here’s the deal with Fusion. After the fourth blade scraps away your cheek, the fifth blade gets the plaque off your teeth. Fusion has to be short for trans-fusion. Fuck that, I’ll shave over the same spot twice with my twin blade.

Speaking of teeth. The British have a reputation for horrible teeth. But that reputation can be traced back to Stonehenge. Historians think it was a calendar, but it was actually a monument to their gum line. Each stone was a rotting tooth. It was an open mouth built into the “FACE” of the earth in order to yell up to the gods, “WE NEED BETTER DENTAL CARE!”

My apologies to the British.

Open Mic Jokes - Part 1

I went through the Second City program, both improv and writing and had a blast. Once a week, you're in a group that trying to be funny and make each other laugh. It's a great stress reliever. Then, afterwards, you meet up at one of the bars and drink and be funny. I would recommend this for anyone looking to have fun, or just has a fear of public speaking. And of course, during this time that I was immersed in comedy, I decided to give stand up a shot at an open mic, because I want a life with no regrets - or at least with many experiences.

This is a taste of my routine, which I will probably follow up with more. While you read this, try to imagine a comedian delivering this with that comedic enthusiasm and timing.

What if Jesus owned a present day drug store with his disciples?

They’d get paid with bread, putting a slice or two away into a 401K.

Mother Mary would be pushing the early pregnancy tests on the virgins ‘cause you just never know.

Plus, Dateline would be nosing around wondering how they sell so much wine without ever getting a delivery.

Judas would end up being fired him for stealing money from the register.

And Jesus would have a little joke every time he saw Moses coming. He would turn off the electronic doors so they wouldn’t part for him.

Thank you, folks - I'll be blogging all week.