Besides pushing the religious envelope or being dirty or gross for a laugh, I wanted my open mic to be clever comedy, so the following was my attempt of that. Through all of this, it was hard to gauge what was really funny as most of the audience was other open mic comics and they were very supportive. Here we go...
Talk about overkill.
There’s a razor with five blades called Fusion. Five blades!
Here’s the deal with Fusion. After the fourth blade scraps away your cheek, the fifth blade gets the plaque off your teeth. Fusion has to be short for trans-fusion. Fuck that, I’ll shave over the same spot twice with my twin blade.
Speaking of teeth. The British have a reputation for horrible teeth. But that reputation can be traced back to Stonehenge. Historians think it was a calendar, but it was actually a monument to their gum line. Each stone was a rotting tooth. It was an open mouth built into the “FACE” of the earth in order to yell up to the gods, “WE NEED BETTER DENTAL CARE!”
My apologies to the British.